So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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