My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
