i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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