When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
