I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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