bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize