I wish I only lived at night.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
