i think my tv is drunk
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
