Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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