The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
