Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
