would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
