My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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