Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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