She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
