All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
