a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
