I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
