Who wears a wallet chain?!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
