dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
