just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My vagina is officially offended.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
