I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
