I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
