i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
two words...techno handjob
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
BRING THE BAGELS
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
