hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
