We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
