so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
