So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
