Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
