I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
