my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You are a genius and a whore.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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