I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
