Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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