the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
