why didn't you poke me back
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
