So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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