Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
