I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
