dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
