What a fucking waste of an outfit
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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