have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
