plz talk dirty to me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
