I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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