can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
