no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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