Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he was CRYING into my vagina
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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