He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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