All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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