why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
