Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
